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标题: 自己写的05年作文,希望大家帮忙点评下 [打印本页]

作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-7 23:17
标题: 自己写的05年作文,希望大家帮忙点评下
这次是05年的了(养老足球赛),请大家打个分并点评!
上次发的03年的有人喜欢(http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/thread-226942-1-1.html),所以这次斗胆再发篇05的,风格变化不大,基本属于传说中的模版派,请拍砖!!!!

As is depicted in the illustration,a peculiar football match is being played on the court.In the center,an aged father crouches into a football,looking miserable,helpless while in front of the four gates stand his four children,who are glaring and playing as goalkeepers,well prepared to "block out" the "football".The phenomenon showed in the cartoon is uncommon and remains thought-provoking!

The cartoon,undoubtedly,can be interpreted in a symbolic manner.Far from being an individual case,it serves as a painful reminder of the tensions between the young,ungrateful generation and their aged,needy parents.As the world grows increasingly money-oriented, there is no lack of ungrateful, egoistic, heartless youngsters, whose philosophy of life can be summarized as "material desires dominate". The exclusive concern of their life has been reduced to material comfort and sensual pleasure.Neglect of parents merely serves as an added testimony to their selfishness.

As far as I am concerned,piety and gratefulness towards parents,considered as traditional virtues in our Chinese culture by many reasonable men,are indispensable qualities for humanity. Accordingly, the young are supposed to pay back parents' love by making their later years enjoyable and comfortable.What's more,we should appeal to our governments to make concrete lows to protect the parent's legal rights and punish the impiety and ungratefulness,as represented here by the four mean souls,and more in society.Only with love, compassion, and gratefulness, could one live happily and completely, as Sigmund Freud, the distinguished psychologist,notes.

[ 本帖最后由 perfectsb122 于 2008-1-7 23:23 编辑 ]
作者: zhangknight2    时间: 08-1-8 01:48
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 09:22
其他的没写啊..........
有空再写写再发!
作者: 夏夜茉莉2008    时间: 08-1-8 09:34
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 11:06
也没多少时间,那些词在<Born to win>里面都有.
作者: 夏夜茉莉2008    时间: 08-1-8 11:10
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 11:44
不能用模版?
国家颁布新法律了?模版是违法犯罪行为?
这下麻烦大了啊!!!!!!
作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 11:46
Born to win是一本英文散文(大概可归为散文吧),里面有30篇文章,写的行云流水一般,如果背下来,作文应该错不了!
作者: 夏夜茉莉2008    时间: 08-1-8 11:58
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 12:48
字数貌似不够啊!!!
作者: 夏夜茉莉2008    时间: 08-1-8 16:56
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-8 22:13
哦,对了,作文字数好像改为160-200了啊,那就够了!
作者: Jennifer1955    时间: 08-1-9 12:53
楼主水平不错哦
作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-9 19:53
这个尚需修改修改!
作者: abecedarian    时间: 08-1-9 20:22
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作者: perfectsb122    时间: 08-1-9 20:47
这个不太容易看出模版吧,除了最后一段有点模式化!
作者: zidance    时间: 08-1-11 14:40
有的老师不喜欢别人用模版




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