考研1号《写作160篇》读者写作练习修改与点评”道德滑坡“2！（持续更新中...）

写作原文
　　考研英语话题图画作文《写作160篇》之“道德滑坡”话题读者写作练习

Moral Decline in Economic Prosperity
What would you do if you encountered an old man or an pregnant woman or a kid without a seat on a bus? In the drawing above, a young man, ignoring the traditional virtue of helping others, pretends not to be aware of such a scene. This thought-provoking picture discloses the moral decline in economic prosperity especially of the young generation which appeals to huge public concern.
It’s generally accepted that moral decline could be attributed to several reasons. In the first place, a part of the young generation are always self-centered without taking the thoughts of others into account. That is an essential element accounting for decline of morality. In the second place, the worship of money in the ever-changing 21st century is also ready to assume the responsibility, for some young people care about nothing but money while seeking fortune. Last but not least, flaws of laws leave people easy to get an excuse for not offering his seat to the weak.
It’s hight time that we put the improvement of moral standards on schedule. It’s a sense of responsibility of the young which can be deliberately raised that is the fist thing needed for moral improvement. And then, the government should take measures to reinforce moral education among the society. Only in this way can we build our society harmoniously.

原作点评
第一段点评
　　What would you do if you encountered an old man or an pregnant woman or a kid without a seat on a bus? In the drawing above, a young man, ignoring the traditional virtue of helping others, pretends not to be aware of（也可用pretends to be unaware of） such a scene. This thought-provoking picture discloses the moral decline in economic prosperity especially of the young generation which（which指代前面整个句子） appeals to huge public concern.
　　【以提问的方式，引发对话题的探讨，开头很不错。图画描述生动形象，符合directions的第一条。】
第二段点评
　　It’s generally accepted that moral decline could be attributed to several reasons.【第一点：年轻人以自我为中心，不考虑别人的感受】 In the first place, a part of the young generation are always self-centered without taking the thoughts of others into account. That is an essential element accounting for decline of morality.【第二点：金钱崇拜】 In the second place, the worship of money in the ever-changing 21st century is also ready to assume the responsibility, for some young people care about nothing but money while seeking fortune.【第三点：法律存在的缺陷】 Last but not least, flaws of laws leave people easy to get an excuse for not offering his seat to the weak（不是普遍现象，此处可以说是“做不符合社会道德的事情”）.
　　【分析图示现象产生的原因，条理清晰，剖析到位。注意表示“首先”、“其次”、“最后”的衔接词还有很多，尽量不要雷同。】

第三段点评
It’s hight time that we put the improvement of moral standards on schedule. It’s a sense of responsibility of the young which can be deliberately raised that is the fist（应是first） thing needed for moral improvement. And then, the government should take measures to reinforce moral education among the society. Only in this way can we build our society harmoniously.

文章点评：
本文立意准确，谋篇合理，行文流畅，思路清晰，是一篇不错的习作。望再接再厉，不断提升自己的写作水平。在复习考研英语写作过程中，合理使用《写作160篇》等考研英语写作辅导书，积累相关写作素材，不断充实和完善自己的写作。考研英语真题书《考研真相》中的“佳句模仿”等栏目要有效运用，力求在遣词造句上再上一个台阶。
参考分数（满分20分）：14分
考研1号《写作160篇》读者写作练习修改与点评”道德滑坡“1！http://bbs.freekaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=755300&extra=

谢谢楼主，这些易错点值得借鉴啊

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