本帖最后由 苹果爱桔子 于 2013-10-21 11:00 编辑
2005年考研英语大作文 “养老足球赛” With the Chinese Words which means(我认为这里可以不用) “Football Game of Caring Aged Parents” presented at the bottom of the given cartoon, there are five persons, an old father crouched into the shape of a football, three sons and his only daughter of the poor father （可以删掉）blocking their own doors. The four children are acting like a goalkeeper. His first child has the angry face and kicks his father out of his door, and the rest of them(可以改为the other three，当然也可以不改) are keeping the farther far away from their own “precious” doors. It is naturally associated the phenomenon illustrated in the above picture to the fact（这里，你的意思和用词有一些杂糅了！） that more and more children(children用在此处不好，我觉得改成people比较合适) are reluctantly supporting their parents, which are more common in our society nowadays. 【Caring aged parents becomes a common problem in our society nowadays, which is just like the phenomenon illustrated in the above picture, arousing a great discussion among people. 】 The(These old ) parents, some of them(which) have illness, and some of them just(去掉重复) are （这里加just比较好）too old to care themselves（太口语化了，想一个词组：顾全自己的日常生活之类的）, so they need to be look after by their children（need special considerration about their daily lives）. But (However, people who have the responsibilities of looking after their aging parients are reluctantly supporting their parents. )lots of children are selfish(The selfish children), ignore their parents, or even absurd, ill-treat (treat )them(badly instead). I wouldn’t do(could never do) things like that. We were raised up by them, who gave us lives and love and afforded our education. [Parents are the ones who bear us, look after and bring us with all their hearts and efforts .] [很明显，你的第三段自然观点段的开篇首先必须要一个引子啊，比如In my point of view]We are supposed to appreciate them. [And now they are old and ill and need our special considerations, in which case we can by no means abandan them of any reasons.]
And it is my view that there are two respects of solving this situation. [ 【两条建议的话，我觉得应该分为：我们能做的和政府能做的，你的放置顺序不太合适】On the one hand, according to the less income of aged parents,(位置放置不太合适) we should undertake financial responsibility [as a consequence of that aged parents usually have low income and bad health]. In addition,we could appeal authorities to make concrete laws to legal such action.（这句作为第二个建议，并且要修改句式！） On the other hand, as most of the children are working far away from their parents, loneliness could be a more serious problem than anything else. Hence, accompanying parents, giving them emotional care and talking to them are more substantial.（放到第一条建议里面去）
 红的绿的一大片，你能看清楚吗？？
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楼主
，非常喜欢你这样能够进行学习讨论的童鞋！！请继续加油！！