我写的08年大作文，大家看看能得多少分呢？

题目就是两缺腿的人绑在一起，“走南闯北”相信大家也知道了，下面是我的文章

There are two persons in the picture with their disabled legs tied together. They are running so fast as if they are jus-t one person. It's obvious that before they decided to cooperate with each other, they both had to move slowly with pain. However, the coroperation changed their life.

    As we can see from this picture, the significance of coroperation can not be exaggerated. Nobody is perfect. One person is limited and it is impossible for one to reach the peak only with his own endeavors. But two people may make the group approximatly to be perfect. As a case in point, although a gootball team may have some stars whose skill are amazing, if the whole team doesn't form a competitive one, the star can not win the game. And in many other fields of life, we can not ignore the role of cooperation.

    To sum up, what this picture is going to tell us is the importance of cooperation.  When we cooperate with each other, we would run much faster as the one in the picture.

毫不夸张地说，可以拿16到18分

1,person复数是people.2,It\'s obvious that before they decided to cooperate with each other, they both had to move slowly with pain. 语序调整下,that和 before紧连在一起,不太正规.改成It\'s obvious that they both had to move slowly with pain before they decided to cooperate with each other.3,重要性不能被夸大?表述不对吧,应改为the significance of coroperation does not be exaggerated.4,gootball笔误,football

[ 本帖最后由 huxiaolei1986 于 2008-12-22 19:27 编辑 ]

总的来说,还是不错的.

谢谢楼上的点评！！！

提你一个致命缺点  两头小中间大...尽量最后结尾和第一段多写点

啊？我觉得两头大中间小更可怕~

写的很好啊！！