本帖最后由 考研1号编辑部 于 2013-10-16 14:54 编辑
独孤悠 发表于 2013-10-15 16:51
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As is vividly shown in the picture, someone are painting in a vase, who is thinking about mone ...
写作原文 As is vividly shown in the picture, someone are(is)painting in(去掉)a vase, who isthinking about money.(非限定性定语从句是对逗号前的部分进行补充说明,且think about意为“考虑,关心”。因此此句改为:Someone,who is thinking of money, is painting a vase.) There is “shanzhai” inthe surface of (加the)vase. Behind him there are several similar vases. The picture revel (使用单三且单词拼写错误,reveals)that the copycat culture become (becomes)popularnowadays. All aspects of life, We(缺少介词“in”,且注意只有位于句首的单词首字母才大写。In all aspects of life, we)can find copycat culture. Not only the media, the books, but also our daily necessities havecopycat’s shadow. First and foremost, as the society becomes more and moremoney-oriented, people treat money as life(用people regard money as important as their ownlives较好). Secondly, many person(persons) need brand butcan’t afford it.(many people want to buy brand products but they can’t affordthem.) Copycat ischeaper than brand, so customer buy it and businessman product it(本句可润色为:Copycat products are much cheaper than originals, which attracts thousands of customersto buy as well as a mass of businessmen to produce accordingly). Facing the pressure now, we should takes(take)the best.(句意不完整,可改为weshould spare no efforts to solve the problem.) In my personal(加view或者opinion), it’s not just the responsibility of the government(汉式思维,可改为not only the government is duty-bound ), the public also needs to be responsible. The laws and regulation that enacted by government,are important safeguard(Laws andregulations enacted/(that are enacted) by the government are important safeguards). The public shouldimprove their awareness that copycat is illegal. Not only does it hurt to(去掉) (加the或our)society, but(加 it)also hurt (hurts)yourself(ourselves). Moreover, businessman(businessmen) can work together to create a better product(加brand) than the existingbrand (用复数brands更合适). If everyone all work(works) together, it will not be a problem.
修改点评 文章的优点在于言之有物,文章的内容比较切合图片与现象,基本完成了大纲要求的内容,但语法错误太多,属于考研作文的第二档作文,需注意: 1. 文章中有语法错误:①最常犯的错误是:主谓不一致,尤其是动词单三形式及原形的混用,如someone are,Thepicture revel等等;②名词的单复数运用有误,尤其是该用复数的时候用了单数;③非限定性定语从句未掌握;④过去分词的用法/被动语态未掌握,Thelaws and regulation that enacted by government;⑤定冠词the的用法未掌握。 2.文章中一些地方受汉语思维影响比较严重。在写作的过程中,尽量不要先想好汉语再翻译成中文。在脑海中有一个汉语框架,但写句子时尽力用英语思维思考。可以多熟读背诵一些经典名篇,在空闲时间多阅读一些外刊,以提升自己的英语思维。 3.文章有个别单词拼写错误,需加强单词尤其是基础常用单词的记忆。 因此,今后作者努力的方向在于:首先,提升自己的语法基础,改正自己的错误,胜于写了很多篇但犯千篇一律的错误;其次,逐步在学习与阅读中提升自己的英语思维。 有付出就有收获,加油,祝你考研成功! 参考分数(满分20分):8 考研1号编辑部 2013年 10月16日
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