[研英真经研习小组][2005][大作文]

请大家在做完2005真题的大作文部分以后，回帖说说自己的感受。
海豚只是节目主持人哦~大家是主导，请大家尽情发言，交流做题的经验~海豚给大家稍微做一些纠正就好了，(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

以前的学长曾经和我们说过，一定要和你的战友，对手多多交流，这样才能够进步，不能闭门造车！
也许让你和你的对手交流，你会觉得有些舍不得说出自己的经验。可是闭关锁国，只会落后。所以我们论坛，通过互联网给大家提供这样超空间的合作与交流，你碰到你的对手的几率大大降低了哦~所以放心地和大家交流经验吧~海豚支持你们~

大致请包括以下内容：
1、您的提纲，中文的就可以，当然，如果您有时间将作文写下来的话，是最欢迎了的
2、别人的作文，您怎样看，帮助修改
3、您在文中必须使用的一些词，特定的名词或者必然会用到的动词。（比如如果是说环保的题目的话，应该会提到温室效应greenhouse effect）
4、每期写得最好的作文，将进行展览哦~
您可以使用海豚提供给您的草稿纸哦~

[answer]1[/answer]

海豚啊。我的06年的大作文还没给我点意见呢！

我看到网友们给你建议了，而且很认真，我就想我省事了
好好好，我明天看，(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

憋了一晚上,写出了下面的东西,作文,真让我挠头.还请大家帮忙指正,接收随风的部分建议,改整了一下,继续批评,没关系的
In this cartoon we can see that the father is old, but none of his children wants to take care of him ;they even push their old father out of their own houses ,which seems like a football game among sons and daughters.
This picture mainly shows up a phenomenon that more and more person loses his mortal of taking care of parents. But everyone knows that our parents feed us up hard , We also have a knowledge that someday they have to become old and lose their ability of working . And then it is the time that we should take the oblige of taking care of them .Moreover, our country has the tradition of taking care of parents long before .
To be  responsible stewards of the society , we should respect old people , especially take good care of our parents.
这样改过了,是不是可以了呢?

[ 本帖最后由 xiaobinghui1982 于 2007-11-9 10:23 编辑 ]

but none of his children want to take care of him中，谓语是不是应该用单数？
which seems like a football game among each sons and daughters.
这句话表达不清吧。which 代表什么？是代表上面的一句话吗？

But everyone knows that our parents feed us up hard , We also have a knowledge that someday they have to become old and lose their ability of working .
两年句子是不是应该用句号分开？第一个句子为什么要转折的意思？have to 用这里不太恰当。
To be a responsible steward of the society , we should respect old people , especially taking care of our parents.

To be a responsible steward of the society 建议改为，Being a ……或者用AS a……。, especially taking care of our parents.不合乎语法。
如果我批改这篇文章，不会给很高的分。唉，不好意思。直言了。

呵呵,谢谢批改,我作文很差,继续批评,没关系的
which seems like a football game among each sons and daughters.这个是特意写成非限制性定于重句的,指代的是前面一句话,不知道何不合适
we should respect old people , especially taking care of our parents.这句话是有点问题,那要怎么改才好呢?
To be a responsible steward of the society , 这句话是我和真题学的,应该还好吧,

呵呵，我看出来了，你是跟真题学的，可是在这里不合乎语法啊。

写作文，我们有一个误区，认为多写就行了，或者说背一个模板。这些都是误导。写作必须是大量地阅读。试想，没有大量地输入，怎么会写出优美好看的文章来？往往我们对这一点没有注意。

我写的一篇，大家不要笑话啊！
As is indicated in the picture, the sons and the daugher are pushing their father out ,like throwing off a football.  How sad and regret it is!

In this day and age, There  is no denying that the conditon of  our society  in the maner of reverring parents is becoming worser and worser .In fact ,we should take care of our parents well rather than disregard them totally.To start with,they are so old that can not support themselves.Next,they had ever rear us and gave  a life and a good situation for us to live .In addition,whether you are a president or an ordinary man, a genral or a soldier, a teacher or a student ,a millionaire or a poor,we are all child of our parents . If there has no them ,where are we?Perhaps,that\'s is the last thing you want to do when your parents is dead  you are relecant to support them.

Obviously, it is high time that we did something for our parent ,including all ways .What time?at once.

妆罢低声问夫婿,画眉深浅入时无?

How sad and regret it is!
这里的regret应该用adj形式吧。
There is no denying that the conditon of our society in the maner of reverring parents is becoming worser and worser .
there小写，condition拼写错误，另外作为考试作文，建议还是用书面语，例如manner和worse。应该减少第一人称和第二人称的使用，特别是第二人称，尽量使用第三人称。
后面还有几处拼写错误，例如general。
we are all child of our parents 是否应该用复数。