海豚戏珠之文海捕鱼～～1

亲爱的各位同学们，同志们，网友们，研友们～
很高兴大家来到海豚的渔船上～
今天我们要出海打鱼了哦！
双手放在键盘上，开始准备吧～

游戏规则：
        1、海豚给大家一个作文的题目
        2、然后呢，给出一个例文，可是要注意了哦，这个可不是什么好的例文，是一篇很普通的作文（这就是文海）
        3、希望大家能运用自己所掌握的单词和语感，指出文中的错误，用红色的字表示出你改动过的地方，可以是语法错误，也可以是你觉得文中的表达方式不理想，你有更好的说法哦～（找出来错误就是你捕到鱼了，哈哈，然后呢，海豚会出钱买你的鱼～）

如：例文为：I am student.  
            修改之后的回帖就是这样的写法：I am a student.
            然后指出原因：要有量词

好啦好啦，咱们出航了哦～请您扶好坐好～

现在已经进入了可以捕鱼的海域了哦～
       You will graduate from university in the summer of 2006 and have experienced ups and downs over the past four years.Wite a letter to the freshmen to
       1)state how to adapt oneself to campus life,and
       2)stress the importance of English learning.
       You should write about 100 words on the ANSWER SHEET 2.Do not sign your own name at the end of the letter.Use "Li Ming" instead.You do not need to write the address.

目标来了，赶快出手！！！

Dear freshmen :
        I  a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department. I would like to say a few words to you. I hope it will be useful for you.
       First, the idea of change to adapt to campus life is very necessary. In secondary schools, we normally rely on the teachers in schools, at home on parents. However, the University's learning and life is characterized by independence, which the psychological development is very important. I think we had better keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, learning English is essential. On one hand, not four certificate, we would no longer be eligible for graduate degrees. Moreover, we are looking for work, the English a decisive factor. So I hope you understand the importance of learning English.
Good luck to you！
                                                                                             yours，
                                                                                             Li Ming

好啦，大家来让海豚看看都捕到了多少鱼吧


PS：1、做题建议，大家先把文章复制下来再改动会比较方便哦～
       2、作文征集：这年头，网上都找不到普通的作文，都是经典范文 所以海豚现在征集大家的作文，偷偷的在私下联系海豚哦～海豚保密，让大家都来批改一下你的作文，对你不是也很有益吗？嘻嘻，期待有投稿的，稿费从优～[s:9]
      3、下一期才能看到这一期的范文哦～

[ 本帖最后由 海豚宝贝 于 2007-7-1 03:38 PM 编辑 ]

一天一天得坚持下去  
  我相信我行

注：下划线部分为个人有错误或最好修改的地方，在后面标注了上标，红色字为修改后的内容，每段后说明了一下原因。
不足处希望大家指出来。
Dear freshmen :
        I am 1 a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department 2(Computer Science Department of Northwestern University) . I would like to say a few words to you. I hope it will 3 (would) be useful for you.
1：缺少be动词    2：表达顺序应从小到大 3：虚拟语气，应用would
       First, the idea of change 4 (changing) to adapt to campus life is very necessary. In the secondary schools 5 (school), we normally rely on the teachers in schools 6 (school), at home on parents. However, the University\'s learning and life is 7 (are) characterized by independence, which 8 (as) the psychological development is very important. I think we 9(you) had better keep a sense of independence.
4：非谓语动词，介词后用动名词  5，6：这里应为特指中学时期，而不是具体学校  7：主语为复数  8：这里是一个结果状语从句，是否这样改，疑惑中  9：最好转为第二人称  
        In addition, learning English is essential. On one hand, not 10（without） four 11(CET-4) certificate, we would no longer be eligible for graduate degrees 12 (degree). Moreover, we are looking 13 (hunting) for work 14 (a job), the English is15 a decisive factor. So I hope you understand 16 (realize) the importance of learning English.
Good luck to you！
10:without引导，后面用虚拟语气   11：固定说法，英语四级
12：感觉应该是单数，一个学位嘛  13，14：找工作最好别用look for work
15:少了be动词   16：这里意思是意识到，而不是理解，所以改为realize
                                                                                           yours，
                                                                                             Li Ming

decision

Dear freshmen（ :）（，）
        I (am)（应该加系动词） a senior student of（ Northwestern University Computer Science Department）（the computer science department of Northwestern University）. I would like to (say)(tell)（动词用错） a few words to you. I hope it will be useful (for)(to)(介词用错) you.
       First, the idea of (change)(changing)（of后应该是 v + ing） to adapt to(the)（缺少冠词） campus life is very necessary. In secondary schools, we normally rely on the teachers （in ）（at ）(schools)（school）, at home on parents. However, the University\'s learning and life is characterized by independence, which the psychological development is very important. I think we had better(to)(应有介词) keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, learning English is essential. On one hand, (not)(without)(the)（CET ） four (certificate)(certification)（非动词而应是名词） we would no longer be eligible for(the) graduate degrees. Moreover,(when) we are looking for (work)(job)（名词用错）, the English（is）(应有系动词)  a （decisive）（总觉得不对，可暂时想不起来了） factor. So I hope you understand the importance of learning English.
Good luck to you！
                                                                                             yours（，）（多余）
                                                                                             Li Ming

好奇怪，我这怎么不能显示红色啊[s:10]


海豚帮您改成红了的哦～看看合意不？

[ 本帖最后由 海豚宝贝 于 2007-7-2 01:56 PM 编辑 ]

呵呵！海豚的节目还是要来的，最近是忙了一点

Dear freshmen :
        I am a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department. I would like to say a few words to you. I hope it will be useful to you.
       First, it is very necessary to adapt to campus life In secondary schools,  and we usually rely on the teachers in schools and parents at home. However, learning and life in the University is characterized by independence, which is very important to the psychological development. I think we should keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, it is essential to learn English. On one hand, we would no longer be eligible for graduate degrees without the fourth certificate. On the other hand,  if we are looking for work, the English is a decisive factor. So I hope you understand the importance of learning English.
Good luck to you！
                                                                                                                               yours，
                                                                                                                              Li Ming

Dear freshmen :(此处应为,)
        I  a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department(应该在Northwestern University之前) .I would like to say(tell you a few words) a few words to you. I hope it will be useful for(应该为to) you.
       First, the idea of change（changing) to adapt to campus(college) life is very necessary(necessarily). In secondary schools(high school), we normally rely(depend) on the(去掉the) teachers in schools(school), at home on parents. However, the University\'s learning(study) and life is characterized by independence, which the psychological development is very important. I think we had better keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, learning English is essential. On one hand, not four certificate, we would no longer be eligible for (加the)graduate degrees. Moreover, we are looking for work(a job), the(去掉the) English (加is)a decisive factor. So I hope you(加上will) understand the importance of learning English(learning在后).
Good luck to you！
                                                                                    yours，
                                                                                    Li Ming


请小魔女指教!

[ 本帖最后由 海豚宝贝 于 2007-7-1 10:28 PM 编辑 ]

Dear freshmen :
        I  (am)a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department. I would like to say a few words to you. I hope it will be useful (*for)(to) you.
       First, the idea of change to adapt to(不要介词） campus life is very necessary. In secondary schools, we normally rely on the teachers in schools, at home on parents. However, the University\'s learning and life is characterized by independence, which the psychological development is very important. I think we had better keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, learning English is essential. On one hand, not (no)four certificate, we would no longer be eligible for graduate degrees. Moreover, we are looking for work, the English (is)a decisive factor. So I hope you understand the importance of learning English.
Good luck to you！
                                                                                             yours，
                                                                                             Li Ming

You will graduate from university in the summer of 2006 and have experienced ups and downs over the past four years.Wite a letter to the freshmen to
       1)state how to adapt oneself to campus life,and
       2)stress the importance of English learning.
       You should write about 100 words on the ANSWER SHEET 2.Do not sign your own name at the end of the letter.Use \"Li Ming\" instead.You do not need to write the address.

Dear freshmen :
        I am  a senior student of Northwestern University Computer Science Department (from Science Department of Northwestern University Computer ).I would like to say a few words(something) to you. I hope it will be useful for you.
       First(Firstly), the idea of change to adapt(adapting) to campus life is very necessary. In secondary schools(At secondary school), we normally rely on the teachers in schools(删除), at home on parents. However, the University\'s learning and life（learning and life in the University ） is characterized by(with) independence,  which the psychological development is very important. I think we had better keep a sense of independence.
        In addition, learning English( English learning) is essential. On one hand, not four certificate（without CET4), we would no longer (not) be eligible for graduate degrees. Moreover, (when) we are looking for work（job), the (删除) English a decisive factor. So I hope you understand the importance of learning English( English learning).
Good luck to you！