谁有空指点一下我的这篇作文谢谢了！

Good afternoon, everyone. My topic is automobiles and air pollution.

First of all, the root causes and the main sources of air pollution is transportation, especially large numbers of automobiles. They produce huge amounts of waste gases into the atmosphere, include carbon dioxide['kɑ:bən dai'ɔksaid]二氧化碳, carbon monoxide['kɑ:bən mə'nɔksaid]一氧化碳, oxynitride[.ɔksi'naitraid]氮氧化合物 and oxysulfide[.ɔksi'sʌlfaid]硫氧化物 and so on.

The air pollution is destroying the conditions that we depend on. Lots of carbon dioxide is causing the greenhouse effect, oxysulfide is causing the acid['æsid] rain酸雨, carbon monoxide and oxynitride are damaging our bodies directly. The greenhouse effect is warming up the world, which means the ice at the south and north pole will melt[melt]融化. The land which is located near the oceans will disappear and it’s a terrible catastrophe[kə'tæstrəfi]大灾难.

Acid rain will make the water polluted, then the life in the water such as the fish will get sick and end up with dying['daiiŋ]死亡, and the plants which give us clean air will be killed the same. Obviously['ɔbviəsli] acid rain will enormously destory the ecological[.ekə'lɔdʒikəl] system生态系统.

Finally, we must solve the problem of air pollution. First, we can go by bike or take underground instead of driving a car if we want to go out. The government should make some policies. For example, ask the private cars to drive on even days偶数天 or odd days奇数天. The second, we should plant more trees because plants and trees can produce the fresh air. It’s good for our health and environment. The third, to design and develop clean cars and clean fuels. Such in Beijing and Shanghai some of the public buses begin to run on natural gas or electricity, which does not give off as much carbon dioxide as the petrol['petrəl]汽油. On the whole, the elimination[i.limi'neiʃən]消除 of air pollution needs the collective[kə'lektiv]集体(的) efforts from the government, the public and the environmentalists[in.vaiərən'mentlist]环保人士.

Thanks for listening.

我看了看，费了半天时间，看出些不足
第一，这不应该是不足但我也指出来，像first of all 这类的词楼主还是少用吧，大家都说他俗气，没新意
类似的还有下文的first second等，但楼主用的是the second 这和first是不对应的，这是错误
第二，main sources 后面不加s的
第三，They produce huge amounts of waste gases into the atmosphere, include carbon dioxide
.....用including
第四，carbon monoxide[\'kɑ:bən mə\'nɔksaid]一氧化碳, oxynitride[.ɔksi\'naitraid]氮氧化合物 and oxysulfide[.ɔksi\'sʌlfaid]硫氧化物 and so on.
这里，倒数第二个and要不得
第五， The land which is located near the oceans will disappear and it’s a terrible catastrophe
这里要去掉is
第六，Obviously[\'ɔbviəsli] acid rain will enormously destory the ecological[.ekə\'lɔdʒikəl] system生态系统.
这里，obviously后面要加逗号
我的知识就只看到了这些，也不知道到底对不对，楼主参考。

谢谢你的修改！
为什么版主不加分呢？版主干什么呢？