【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第四期英语二“邻里交流”】

Recently,a team of researchers have studied the

刚又手机写的，太不好操作了，现换成电脑……发现这个活动比较晚，希望没有结束，辛苦老师们了。
    Recently,a team of researchers have studied the phenomenon about communications between neighbors,revealing some problems
exists in our society and sketching a chart as we can see.From the chart,we learn that of all the people accepting the survey,almost 7% belong to the area of few or no communication,42% belong to saying hello only when just meet with each other,and 52% frequently communication.
    It seems that the  frequently communication accounts more  from this picture,but we can not neglect the other two tape,which
may catch up with the former.Therefore,the picture clearly warns us the problem that there are a number of people would not like to communicate with other even neighbors.If we were examine the daily life,we would most likely find this phenomenon pronounced.Reasons behind this problem are complicated.One possible is that the net,which has already re-made such everyday pastimes as chatting with neighbors and plying sports together,is reshaping the society relationship.More important is that people living in modern life has few chance  encounter with each other at all.
      Surely,the situation is not socially beneficial.Undoubtedly,it is harmful to the relationship between neighbors and life quality.So,we should spend more time contributing the communication between neighbors as much as we can.To,specially,we could shorten the time on net and help our neighbors when thy need.

考研1号编辑部 发表于 14-11-7 10:09
写作原文

        The above table manifestly reflects how often people communicate between nei ...

根据老师的意见重新写了...不知道会不会被看到...orz
不知道有没有表达清楚呢...orz


　　　The above table manifestly reveals that there are 47.85% out of 186 interviewees only greeting when encountering their neighbors,or even having no conversation at all.Based upon the data offered, we can see that modern dwellers lack efficient communications with people living around them.
　　　It is of no difficulty for us to come up with two factors responsible for this phenomenon. On the one hand,advanced as the contemporary technology is,there is no denying that the problem of folks being addicted to virtual world has gone from bad to worse,resulting in less and less real connection building in reality. On the other hand,along with the development of eras,structures of buildings today leave rarer chances for citizens to communicate with their neighbors than they do in ancient times.
　　　Taking into account what has been argued so far,Internet indeed brings benefits,but by no means can we let it control our lives and watch our actual contacts with others fading away. Neighborhood committees can host varieties of activities in order to shorten the distance of residents as well.In conclusion,try to emerge from your little world and establish harmonious relationships then you will harvest a much more wonderful life.

精简了第一段但不知道会不会过于精简了毕竟第一句就开始抖数据了...
第二段的长句不知道会不会显得太冗长...
大概逻辑有条理了一点了吧..........?orz
不能仔细分析的话打个分就好谢谢谢谢~

自我感觉写作思路清晰好多

占个楼过一会儿写

加油加油哦