【考研1号】“2014作文修改”——【第二期英语二“互联网各种不良信息的来源”】

    The above pie chart depicts the precise proportion about varies report cases of harmful and rubbish information on the internet in May, 2010, which discloses a truth of matter that internet is inundated with unhealthy information. The rubbish emails take the most of the part, accounting for 73.68%,followed with unhealthy websites and spiteful software.
    It is a striking morning call to send us a significant message that harmful information on the internet has been the injurious insect of our life. In the first place, due to the vast majority of our advertising emails sent to us, we always miss the vital email. In the second place, some websites are full of violence and erotic images that are bad for juveniles. Last but not the least, hackers with skillful computer technology can intrude our computer or mobile phone by spiteful software.
    To curb the current evil phenomenon revealed in the pie chart, we may reach the conclusion that active measure have to be take immediately. On one hand, we should be sensible enough to protect our private information. On the other hand, some relevant laws and regulations should be issued to protect web safety. Both the administration and folks should join hands to solve the problem. Only in this way, can we build a secure network..
[p:27] 老师辛苦了！

      写完后我自己花了点时间把看得见的错误（错词，简单语法）修改了一下，另外稍微调了一下句子顺序。剩下的问题还望老师能费时指正，谢谢……                     

                                                                 Sources of Harmful Information
      The pie chart above shows the statistic of harmful information sources’ accusing situation of Internet throughout May, from which we can be informed it’s the “garbage mails” that takes the most place by 73.68%, leaving the rest part to “unhealthy websites””bad-intended softwares” and “others”, each possesses 24.05%, 0.2%, 2.07%.
       The harmful information source of Internet is keeping increasing rapidly nowadays within the frequently changed information environment of Internet. As every coin has two sides, though the high developed Internet does make it more convenient and helpful for our life, it also makes itself no longer safe. That’s to say, once our personal information be inputted into the Internet, the information’s safety is under risk. The people who driven by benefit and profit, taking advantage of the progress, collecting and manipulating personal information illegally, putting the harmful information whatever they want on the Internet is to blame.
       In my view, the key to solve “harmful information” problem is to build and strengthen the Internet censorship, to punish the culprit severely. Only in this way will we have a better, safer circumstance that we should have had for surfing.   

          Many kinds of adverse information fill Internet in modern society.This picture show that resources of some  kinds of adverse information that have been reported from  2010.05.1 to 2010.05.31.The largest part which account for 73.68%,is junk e-mail.The Second is adverse Website that account for 24.05%.And the third is malware's 0.2%.Others are 2.07%.That is a group of amazing data.
     With an number of increasing economics and communication,however the Internet provides services that is convenient,fast,timely,have produced  many advise information in our lives.Junk e-mail,containing advertising mail,which occurs distraction,reducing working efficiency and implicating your computer,is so grandly that we do not remove them completely.The Second,according to statistic data,a group of famous Website whose major is sexy or gamble that are harmful for adolescents' psychological and physical  quality,earned more than 10,000,000 dollars each year.The third,malware are the prime channel of releasing private date.Recently,an big bomb is an analyst of NSA.
    In my opinion,the government should establish strength rules for manage services of Internet to recreate more harmonious,safe environment of Internet.At the same time,we would resist bad information of Internet and promote the consciousness of security.

Davinci86 发表于 14-10-18 17:48
Many kinds of adverse information fill Internet in modern society.This picture show that resources ...

写这个比上次少用了20多分钟 但还是有两个多小时 希望能早点熟练起来 还有 求教一下哪些地方可以简化 太多了。。。

我来晚啦~~希望被抽中修改先蛇蛇老师，老师辛苦~~

Actually harmful information is enjoying a striking popularity on the Internet， information filtering，consequently，has become a routine activity in our everyday life. The picture above which subtly reflects several souces of harmful information shows that rubbish email is the main souce accounting for 73.68% ，and bad web site and malware account for less.

It is indisputable that those harmful information make us distractive.The question is that what should be blamed for this phenomenon？I argue that the leading cause is that some companies in order to get enormous benefits send spams which act as free ads to indiduals.Movever，it is also a reminder that our personal information，such as email adress has been exposed to the sun.

Therefore，it is high time to start the battle against the harmful information ,especially the rubbish email. Everyone of us should enlighten our awareness of Network privacy awareness avoiding information disclosure. And，from what has been discussed above, only by indiduals’ efforts can this situation be improved？The answer is “no”.Stringent laws and regulations should be made and sufficient measures for enforcement should be taken.

As is shown in the figure，reporting all kinds of rubbish information in the Internet,from 1st May to 31th May in 2010,there is 73.68 percent bad information came from  junk mail.There is 24.05 percent bad information came from the bad websites. There is 0.2 percent bad information came from malicious software.And there is 2.07 percent bad information came from others.

Why is there a lot of spam in the Internet? Spam is often being sent a lot.Some spammers ，in order to largely spreading information，often attacked the massive mail server in the way of using multiple machines simultaneously transmitting，seriously disturbed the normal mail server mail delivery.

How can we do about it?First of all,government departments should impose heavy penalties on spam maker by lay down the new rules.Second, users themselves should protect the privacy of personal point. Third,people could use the anti spam technology to control spam.I believe that the Internet will be developing in the health direction.

rwe3rwerwrwrwer

谢谢你那年

正文196字，期待老师的点评！

Sources of Harmful Information

As depicted in the graph, harmful information on internet mainly comes from trash emails (73.68%). Following closely was unfriendly website and software, which contribute 24.05% and 0.2%, respectively. The rest 2.07% sources are in other forms. All above are four sources of harmful information.
I think the situation is inevitable. In internet age, using E-mail, browsing websites, utilizing software are daily meals for most people. Any way, which people can obtain information from, are a potential carrier for harmful information.However, unwanted and illegal information will not only ruin people’s efficiency, but also cause crimes, such as password leaking, online gambling, etc. There is a great need to control it.
To create a better internet environment, first, government should publish more laws against the harmful information. Second, it need to reinforce its supervision on internet and encourage people to report. With the surveilliance of both sides, government needs to track the hidden forces down, and punish the illegal. What’s more, developing technology as a shield of harmful information is also necessary.
All citizens require a safe environment in internet. Starting form preventing harmful information, government and people must join hands to protect it.

      As is depicted above, proportion of unhealthy information reported in any ways is distinctly distributed in the pie chart, from which we can learn that the junk e-mails whose percentage is 73.6% rank the first. Compared with it, the second largest section are a variety of offensive websites, though, is just one third of the prior. Apart from them, the left two factors forced-installed softwares and the others merely account for 0.20% and 2.07%.
      There is no denying that we Internet surfers confront rubbish in tha space. However, a wide range of causes can give rise to the phenomenon. Firstly, the Internet supervision system has not developed well yet so that a host of bad guys are escaped from the net to send useless ads to us. Moreover much more net personal account, for instance Sina Blog,RenRen and so on, are most likely to be attacked by net rubbish for we hardly take them into consideration.
        So it's urgent that effective actions be taken to end this unfinished construction. For one thing, related institutions must be perfected, the Internet litter makers ought to be fined economically an sanctioned legally. For another thing, security awareness is supposed to be tied to our Internet instruments tightly. Getting rid of those undesirable information not only call for authorities doing but also our personal efforts.

英语一的考生，请问老师我这样安排段落长短是否妥当，因为看到有些辅助教材上说中间段落要长。恳请老师批改，谢谢。